Looking for marriage number 2 is tough; be it second marriage due to spouse demise or second marriage after divorce. What’s your answer to ‘are second marriages happier’? It’s been reported that second marriage success is lower than a first marriage. But, second marriage brides claim things are better; they know that marriage fairytale isn’t the goal but what comes after. Also, they’re more matured; know better about intimate love and marriage, their expectations from self and partner in second marriage.
Don’t assume that second marriage after 40 is the most suitable age bracket with lesser marriage trouble. A listen during a counseling session will convince you that nobody prepares for 2nd marriage while still in the 1st marriage. First timers believe their marriage love will last forever; until an upset (natural or man-made) occurs. And depending on the stage of the marriage relationship, the baggage from 1st marriage can undermine the second marriage success.
Although its 2nd marriage, however, it’s still a 1st love with all the excitements. Second marriage is the only institution where previous experience does more harm than any good. Avoid marriage trouble and increase second marriage success by going in without any experience. It means while looking for second marriage, start all over again with a clean slate, and make fresh experience without bias. There’d be second marriage challenges, but with your knowledge on how to save your marriage; you’ll handle it better.
11 New Ways To Make Second Marriage Better And Enduring
Real love in a relationship makes bonds stronger and healthy; these promote intimate love in a marriage relationship. Whatsoever challenges that life will throw at your 2nd marriage can only make it stronger because of the foundation you have laid.
Take Enough Time Before Second Wedding
People wonder why love found on reality shows doesn’t last. It’s not difficult. Those looking for second marriage hardly had enough time to do soul searching before jumping for second marriage proposals. Rebound relationships don’t last. Baggage from previous marriage relationship creeps in on the second marriage, weighing down. This is the major cause of 2nd marriage failures. There’s no shortcut to this; take time to heal mind and body before looking for marriage.
Erase The 1st Marriage Experience
Walk in with a clean new slate on your 2nd wedding day. Any previous experience either good or bad will ruin or shorten your chance at happiness. No need to fear on re-creating a good memory because whatever good in you will attract the good in your new spouse and together you’ll make better memories. Your kid(s) is an experience that needs to go on with you; the beautiful aspect of your experience.
Communication In Marriage
This key tool – communication– must be sharpened all the time; don’t assume anything without running it with your spouse. Be transparent about your expectations and put reminders in unassuming ways. Remember that there are no mind reminders at the early stage of a marriage relationship. Work on yourself and spouse to elevate your love to real intimate and telepathic love.
Respect Begets Respect
Respect begets respect; don’t jump the gun at the slightest whiff of the familiar smell. Don’t be like: ‘don’t push my button X, didn’t take this sh**t with x in my first marriage, ain’t ready to go through it again with you’. Spend adequate time to learn your spouse and cut some slacks where necessary because nobody appointed you to judge in the second marriage relationship. This is what men want and look for in a woman.
Accept The Assets And Liabilities In Second Marriage
There might be lingering custody battle or disruption from an ex and his family member. Strengthen each other by supporting, absorbing and sharing as much pressure as received. Attend and deal with the family members together; a united front will strengthen you socially and your love goes deeper. Also, don’t cling to your house if hers makes a better fit for the new big family. A house is a structure and can only be a home when the love from the people living in it permeates the walls.
Squish Recurrence Fear
You worked your previous marriage relationship as this is ‘it’ for you. So now, that fear and insecurity will creep in your mind occasionally to undermine your second marriage success. The simple trick isn’t to shut it down but to look at the lessons that built a stronger and better you. Take away that relationship anxiety by reminding yourself that you are on a clean new slate.
Stow Ex Baggage Before Second Wedding
Assuming your relationship ended on a good note, everything concerning your 1st marriage (except kid(s)) and ex must be stowed away. Otherwise, take time to ride yourself from the anger and bitterness so as not to cause cancer in the second marriage relationship. Don’t compare your date/spouse with your ex for good or bad, you will lead yourself to a downward slope to break up. The pivotal person (you) in the two marriage relationships are not the same personality hence the situation can never be same.
Second Marriages With Stepchildren
More often than not, second marriage gives married couples instant family! Define and support the role each partner plays in the house so that children aren’t confused. You should protect the emotions of your kid(s) always to make them adapt better in any new arrangement. Ensure not to interfere when the disciplinarian is at work on your kid(s) from previous marriage relationship;
Be Realistic With Your Expectations
You might have seen your 1st marriage as the fairytale goal without knowing what it takes to keep the fairytale going. Well, here’s another chance to apply all the work you know towards making this new fairytale a better and long-term relationship.
Treasure Every Moment Of Second Marriage
Don’t take things for granted in this second marriage because you know better; The fallout from your soul- searching will help you know your strengths and trigger button so that you work on self-first. Reach out first to have a daily couple’s time that is connecting and deeper; bring work home or escaping into social media alone is cancer to the marriage relationship.
New Family And Friends In Second Marriage
Friends and family take sides in marriage relationships and the marriage troubles. Those more loyal to your ex will try to make it difficult for your new to settle into your life. They may have good intention because they feel they’ve got your back. Your priority should be your spouse’s comfort and happiness. Make friends and family secondary while you focus on the key job at hand; making your second marriage better and longer lasting.
It’s possible to have a second chance at happiness in the second marriage after grief or bitter divorce. Also, love in second marriage can be better and last longer than first marriage with concerted effort and prioritization.